Near Dark – Movie Review

“A small-town farmer’s son reluctantly joins a traveling group of vampires after he is bitten by a beautiful drifter.”

Scream’s first solo movie review. 😀

This vampire movie has been on my radar for a little while now and after work one day this past week, I decided it was time to indulge my curiosity.

Boy meets beautiful girl one night. He pushes himself on her non-stop. He seriously needs someone to explain consent to him however, due to his insistence, girl gives in and makes out with him. Then bites him, and you know what? Good for her. She probably should have just drained him dry and saved herself a hell of a lot of hassle, but this is one of those horrid, love at first sight plots.

She brings him back to her vampire family and they insist he has to earn his place. He needs to kill someone himself. Despite being perfectly fine forcing himself on a person, he can’t KILL one because he’s a “good guy.” That’s the implication at least.

To be perfectly honest, there was about 15 minutes of this entire movie that make watching it worth it. It’s 15 minutes of murderous glory in a bar. The only other saving grace is Lance Henriksen of Pumpkinhead fame and the infamous, Bill Paxton.

In my opinion, this is not a staple vampire flick. You can skip it entirely unless you’re really interested in that bar scene.

Have you seen it? What was your opinion of it?

We’re Baaack – Blog Resurrection

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*Coughs up grave dirt and grins* Hey, there! It’s been a while, but with some good ol’ fashioned gravedigging and just a pinch of necromancy, our blog has returned from the dead! 😀

Our endless hunger for all things horror, sci-fi and fantasy had us itching to get back to our blog to bring you all-new reviews, recipes and more, so grab some popcorn and hunker down because things are about to get very interesting. 😉

Valentine’s Day Buddy Review: Love and Monsters (2020)

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Ah, Valentine’s Day . . . a day of love, romantic gestures, and gigantic monsters hellbent on eating everyone you hold dear. ❤

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! In honor of this lovey-dovey holiday we thought we’d review the movie Love and Monsters as our special valentine gift to you! 😉

So, let’s get into it, shall we? What it’s all about . . .

Seven years after the Monsterpocalypse, Joel Dawson, along with the rest of humanity, has been living underground ever since giant creatures took control of the land. After reconnecting over the radio with his high school girlfriend, Aimee, who is now 80 miles away at a coastal colony, Joel begins to fall for her again. As Joel realizes that there’s nothing left for him underground, he decides to venture out to Aimee, despite all the dangerous monsters that stand in his way.

1.) First thing’s first: Did you enjoy the movie?
SCREAM: I really did! I went in not expecting much, since I had heard so little about it, and I had a great time.
SUGAR: Same here! It was such a fun movie, but it also packed a punch with the feels at times too so it was like the best of both worlds.
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2.) What did you think of the characters? Any favorites?
SCREAM: The dog, obviously. I shit you not when I say he was the selling point when we watched the trailer for the movie.
SUGAR: I really enjoyed the characters. I loved the bond between Joel and Boy the dog. They made for an excellent comedic duo and I could watch their antics all day. I also really liked Clyde (played by Michael Rooker) and Minnow. They were the perfect survival coaches to help give the main character the boost in skills he needed and offer him a lot of sass along the way.
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3.) Did you enjoy the monsters and worldbuilding for the movie?
SCREAM: I thought that the CGI monsters were done really well, and I am always down for a post-apocalyptic worldbuilding. Burn it all down and start over again humans!
SUGAR: I agree! It isn’t often you’ll see us satisfied with CGI monsters, but this movie managed to do it right. I loved the way we got to learn about the world through Joel and the field guide he’s always working on.
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4.) Which of the monsters would you try your hardest to avoid at all costs?
SCREAM: That centipede thing gone wild, no thanks.
SUGAR: OMG for real. There’s some gnarly creatures in this movie but my immediate answer was also that damn giant centipede.

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Yup. We’d even rather run into this thing than that centipede.

5.) Would you suggest this movie to someone who has yet to see it?
SCREAM: I would! I think it was an unexpected fun time. I would even look forward to a sequel. (I never say that.)
SUGAR: Definitely. If you want something fun to watch with cool monsters and awesome characters you’ve gotta check this one out.
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Have you seen Love and Monsters yet? If so, tell us what you thought of it. 🙂 What was the last monster movie you watched?

Sugar has a Birthday!

Sorry for the silence here folks! We’ve both been incredibly busy lately. Hopefully, that will change soon.

In the meantime, Ms. Sugar had a birthday! She’s the old one. (Older than me by 3 months.) I kid! She’s a young, feisty vixen! She’s literally the best person I know, and I am so lucky to have her as my BFF. My life would be so boring without her, and I cannot wait to see all the amazing things she still has to do in life. ❤

The Lost Boys (1987) – Buddy Review

After moving to a new town, two brothers discover that the area is a haven for vampires.

Is there really anything else you need to know before clicking the play button? I don’t think so.

I have loved this movie for years but somehow, despite the fact that I own it, I have never made Sugar sit down and watch it until now.

I know, I have failed as a friend. You don’t need to lecture me about it. >:O

  1. Admit it – That saxophone player just does it for you.

Sugar – I mean, if a glistening buff dude in purple spandex busting out sweet, sweet sax solos with his rockin’ ponytail doesn’t do it for you, what will? 😛 Plus, he ensured I knew just how 80’s of a movie I was in store for!

Scream – He welcomes you to the movie and lets you know what kind of eye candy you’re in for. I’m not dogging on him other than the sweat/baby oil thing he’s got going on. I appreciate how into his sweet jams he is.

2. The most important part of any vampire movie, did you like the vampires?

Sugar – I did! I was so happy they brought some ugly out when they were ready to go in for the kill, and I liked the different bits of lore the movie explored as well.

Scream – I loved the vampires. They were actual monsters. Although, I will admit to finding several of them very sexy still. We were born in the 80’s and grew up in the 90’s. I feel like we’re destined to have a confused sexual attraction to vampires who are actually monsters and not just misunderstood sex machines.

3. Will you now adopt a dog so you will know when any vampires are near?

Sugar – My cat really loves being an only child, but unless she starts earning her keep and warning me about vampires, she may just wind up getting a canine sibling very soon. 😉

Scream – I mean, I have two dogs and it explains why Samus barks at absolutely everything. I live in a town full of vampires. She’s actually been a good dog warning me and I keep just telling her to shut up.

4. The Coreys, yay or nay?

Sugar –  I actually don’t know a whole lot about these two, especially Haim, but they were both a lot of fun in this movie, so it’s a yay from me.

Scream – YAY. I love the Coreys. I wish they had been able to do more together and that Hollywood hadn’t fucked up their lives.

5. Will you ever forgive your best friend for not making you watch this sooner?

Sugar – Well, better late to the party than never, right? 🙂 I’m sure Kid-Me would have loved this movie too, but at least I get to enjoy it now! 

Scream – Notice she never actually answered the question. D:

If you have never watched The Lost Boys, do it.

Aquarium of the Dead (2021) Buddy Movie Review

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Let’s be honest, you can probably guess from the title alone what kind of movie you’re in store for with this one. Still, when you combine our mutual love for marine biology and zombies, there was no way we were going to miss out on watching Aquarium of the Dead together. 🙂

When a scientific mishap unleashes a virus within the titular aquarium, it doesn’t take long for it to spread among the animal inhabitants. With their lives in jeopardy, the people inside must fight their way out or face becoming chum in the water.

1. Did this movie feed your zombie cravings or leave you underwhelmed?

SCREAM: Underwhelmed. You promise a girl zombie otters, you deliver zombie otters. There was so much potential for this to be good in a campy way and they just did not bring their game.

SUGAR: Agreed. Definitely underwhelmed. I can absolutely appreciate a movie that’s “so bad it’s good”, but this one just fell flat and wasn’t hitting the right notes to make it really fun like I’d been hoping for.

2. What did you think of the zombified marine life featured in the film?

SCREAM: The execution of the zombie creatures was very weak. The CGI was terrible and most of the time the animals just had white eyes to express their zombiness.

SUGAR: Yeah, the CGI was a big disappointment. Practical effects would have been way cooler, even if they weren’t the best, I still feel like it would have been a better option than the CGI loop of the animals we usually got.

3. Do you feel you’d have what it takes to take on the zombie sea critters and make it out of the aquarium alive?

SCREAM: Honestly, no. I feel like those zombie crabs would have got me. That’s a very hard shell to get through! Not to mention, finding the “brain” on some of the animals was difficult due to their different nervous systems. (Which was an aspect of the movie that I did really like. Again, so much potential!)

SUGAR: Those damn zombie crabs! Haha so many of the animals you’d *think* would have been dangerous as hell seemed really easy to avoid and sneak by, but those crabs were fast, and the starfish were sneaky, so I guess it would all depend on which animals I encountered while I was in there.

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4. Would you recommend Aquarium of the Dead to others?

SCREAM: Yes, ONLY if watching with friends. It was entertaining to make fun of the incredibly bad acting, poor CGI and reused scenes throughout the movie. The acting winner of the movie was the over-the-top marine biologist. I won’t forget her acting for a minute. Lol.

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SUGAR: Yeah, I doubt I would have finished watching this one solo, but with friends it is fun to laugh over the absurdness of it, and to poke fun at it along the way, for sure. 🙂

Have you seen Aquarium of the Dead? If so, what did you think of it? What movies have you enjoyed so far in the New Year?

Happy Holidays!

We hope your holiday season has been merry, scary and bright.

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This time of year can definitely be stressful, so hopefully you’ve managed to tackle any obstacles that have come your way, and are able to revel in the festivities.

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Hopefully your ears have not started bleeding from the constant stream of Christmas music blaring since just after Halloween.

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And we wish you luck so that none of your gingerbread men or other holiday cookies wind up burnt.

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A Scary Christmas to all, and to all a good fright! 😉

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Spooky Holiday Reads

With Christmas just around the corner, and many of us making that mad dash to complete our Goodreads challenge for the year, what better way to spread some holiday terror–er, we mean cheer, than with some Christmas-related books that revel in the darker aspects of the holiday season?

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NOS4A2 by Joe Hill

Victoria McQueen has a secret gift for finding things: a misplaced bracelet, a missing photograph, answers to unanswerable questions. On her Raleigh Tuff Burner bike, she makes her way to a rickety covered bridge that, within moments, takes her wherever she needs to go, whether it’s across Massachusetts or across the country.

Charles Talent Manx has a way with children. He likes to take them for rides in his 1938 Rolls-Royce Wraith with the NOS4A2 vanity plate. With his old car, he can slip right out of the everyday world, and onto the hidden roads that transport them to an astonishing – and terrifying – playground of amusements he calls “Christmasland.”

Then, one day, Vic goes looking for trouble—and finds Manx. That was a lifetime ago. Now Vic, the only kid to ever escape Manx’s unmitigated evil, is all grown up and desperate to forget. But Charlie Manx never stopped thinking about Victoria McQueen. He’s on the road again and he’s picked up a new passenger: Vic’s own son.

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Krampus: The Yule Lord by Brom

Santa Claus, my dear old friend, you are a thief, a traitor, a slanderer, a murderer, a liar, but worst of all you are a mockery of everything for which I stood. You have sung your last ho, ho, ho, for I am coming for your head. . . . I am coming to take back what is mine, to take back Yuletide . . .
—from Krampus

One Christmas Eve in a small hollow in Boone County, West Virginia, struggling songwriter Jesse Walker witnesses a strange spectacle: seven devilish figures chasing a man in a red suit toward a sleigh and eight reindeer. When the reindeer leap skyward, taking the sleigh, devil men, and Santa into the clouds, screams follow. Moments later, a large sack plummets back to earth, a magical sack that thrusts the down-on-his-luck singer into the clutches of the terrifying Yule Lord, Krampus. But the lines between good and evil become blurred as Jesse’s new master reveals many dark secrets about the cherry-cheeked Santa Claus, including how half a millennium ago the jolly old saint imprisoned Krampus and usurped his magic.

Now Santa’s time is running short, for the Yule Lord is determined to have his retribution and reclaim Yuletide. If Jesse can survive this ancient feud, he might have the chance to redeem himself in his family’s eyes, to save his own broken dreams, . . . and to help bring the magic of Yule to the impoverished folk of Boone County.

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The Nightmare Before Christmas by Tim Burton

In all the world, there is no place like Halloweenland, and Jack Skellington is Halloween’s most important figure. It’s Jack who devises the holiday’s most macabre tricks and frights, and he’s delightfully done it year after year. But this year, something isn’t quite right: Jack has grown bored with the usual Halloween pranks, and the joy of seeing shock and horror on people’s faces has faded.

Then one night, while out for a walk in the woods, Jack sees something he’s never seen before – a strange door carved into a tree. Stepping through the door Jack stumbles into a world unlike any he’s ever known. He finds himself in a bright, colorful place called Christmas Town. Jack has finally found what he’s been looking for, and knows right away what needs to be done. He will bring Christmas to Halloween – with Jack starring in Santa’s role!

Have you read any of these? Do you have any spooky holiday reads of your own you’d like to recommend?

Letters to Satan Claus (2020)

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Like a Hallmark Christmas movie . . . but with Satan. 🙂

While writing an angry letter to Santa Claus, young Holly Winters mistakenly writes “Satan” instead of “Santa” in her letter, and what results is a traumatizing Christmas morning for her and her young sister.

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Over 20 years later, a jaded and alcoholic Holly finally returns to her hometown for the holidays, but Satan isn’t done with her just yet and is ready to wreak some more holiday havoc.

The main character Holly is delightfully snarky and Grinchy in all the best ways. She’s a hot mess and it’s fun to watch. Letters to Satan Claus is a so-bad-it’s-actually-somehow-enjoyable Christmas movie, with campy dialogue and cheesy holiday-themed kills that will either leave you laughing or rolling your eyes. Quite possibly both! You can tell that the team who made this film must have really enjoyed themselves poking fun at all those generic Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies.

 

 

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